Disclaimer: Any similarity to any persons living or dead is merely coincidental.
There’s absolutely no reason why I include the disclaimer above specifically for this first draft of “shadow.” I am not at liberty to say whether or not I have ever felt like a former or current coworker was going to Single White Female-me. All I know is that some suspicious and unnerving behaviour I may or may not have encountered in the workplace was made more bearable when I started to be able to frame it as a well of inspiration.
I already have a rough idea of what I want to change in draft 2.
First, I want to give Eric another catchphrase: “That’s awesome.” Imagine that being said dripping with self-loathing. Like, he wants to say how he really feels but can’t in front of Chloe or Kevin so that comes out. I want to try it and see if that’s a better way to communicate the character’s emotional immaturity. Emotional immaturity maybe isn’t the right phrase but it’s like a lack of knowledge of self. Signify how repressed he is? I don’t know! We’ll try it and see how it suits him because I absolutely love what the empty calorie “How’s it going?” does for him. So lonely, so desperate for approval and recognition.
Second, I think it’d be more interesting to have Kevin and Eric actually spend some time together. As I watch this movie in my head, I prefer that after the bathroom self-hatred monologue scene, Eric and Kevin are alone in the office together and Kevin invites Eric to grab a drink with him so that Kevin can get the inside scoop of the office politics. Who among their coworkers are sleeping together, who doesn’t like each other, who should Kevin steer clear of. That sort of thing.
I’m not really sure where we go from there but ultimately the stealing Kevin’s totem is too close to ORBIT for my liking and I’d like to see what else comes out. I also think it’s important for Kevin and Eric to actually interact and see how it affects the plot and their choices because I like the way ORBIT captures the ugliness of projecting your desires and expectations for salvation and wholeness more than I do here.
It kind of sucks to be so certain that nothing past page 6 will stay, but maybe I’m wrong?
Here’s what I want to know before I move on to draft 2:
Am I right to think it’s more interesting that Eric and Kevin actually spend some time talking about the office, getting to know each other?
If so, where do you think it should go? What kind of actions would Eric’s need to be seen by Kevin make him take ? What are the consequences?
The totem of your desires works better in ORBIT, right?
How does Chloe’s arc change based on these changes? She needs to be more active. I still think their relationship deteriorates, but while I was writing it I thought it’d be cool if Kevin and Chloe started seeing each other at the end. Didn’t make it there but it’s still in my back pocket just in case.
Shoutout to Single White Female, The Boy Next Door and Fear (“He’s slipping her the fish on a rollercoaster?” — Harley Alexander).
Dream Casting
Eric: Cillian Murphy, Michael Imperioli, Crispin Glover,
Chloe: Kelly Macdonald, Natasha Lyonne, Aidy Bryant,
Kevin: Jamie Foxx, Benicio del Toro, Robert Downey Jr.,